"But the Greatest of these is Love."

1 Corinthians 13:1-8;13
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I keep trying to study but unfortunately, my mind is anywhere but on my nursing notes. I know in the morning when I'm sitting in my exam I'll regret the time spent on this blog but I feel like its something thats on my heart that I have to get out. On Friday, my world got slightly flipped upside down. My plan was to have a relaxing weekend in Columbia with friends, something I haven't gotten to do in a while due to football season, nursing school, and all the other little things that make up my hectic life. God had other plans. On Friday morning my grandma fell and hit her head. She needed emergency surgery and even after the surgery, the doctors gave us little hope that she would ever wake up again. I spent most of the day Friday in tears and on my knees in prayer begging God to let me grandma be okay. She was the strong one. The one who for the last several years has spent her time caring for my granddad,  her husband of many years, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She was a constant in my life that never failed to offer a smile and some encouragement when I thought life was tough. She had come through so much adversity in her 87 years here that I felt like she could overcome anything. Thank goodness we serve a God who is outside the realms of medicine and what the human mind can even fathom.  Little by little my grandmother started doing the impossible. First, moving her hand, then nodding yes or no answers to questions and finally opening her eyes and even speaking! I had one of those moments where I thought "how can you not believe in a God". There is clearly something bigger at work here and in my opinion there are just some things that you simply cannot explain without God. Things have been up and down with my grandma since her fall Friday. There are times when the doctors give us nothing to be hopeful in but I constantly remind myself that she's a fighter and we can never count out the power of the One who conquered the grave. 


My grandma the fighter.
The miracle God worked is only a small part of the reason I wanted to write this blog. The main reason, and the reason for the title, has to do with one of the greatest love stories I've ever known. My grandma and grandaddy have been married for 68 years. For years and years at Christmas I watched my grandaddy call my grandma sweetheart and shower her with gifts. It 's amazing to see the way they are still in love after so many years. When my grandaddy got sick, it became my grandmas mission to take care of him. She didn't want help, some people say its because she was stubborn but I think its just because she loves him so much and didn't trust anyone else to take care of him. When she got hurt on Friday my grandaddy spent the whole night wandering the house like he was looking for her. They are so connected even after this long. I admire the love that they share. In a world where divorce is so common, its refreshing to see a perfect picture of the way a lasting marriage should be. "Till death do us part" is part of the vows that most people never make it to but one that has become a reality for my grandparents. My grandma is fighting. In my opinion, I think she doesn't want to leave my grandpa. For 68 years, she hasn't been separated from the love of her life and I think that's what is driving her right now. I hope anyone who reads this will be inspired by their love story and will join me in praying for my grandma, the fighter.  

Forever Changed

 It has been over two months since I wrote my last blog. I did get to write one on my trip to Africa but due to VERY limited internet, I only got to post it on our mission trip blog. I really don't even know where to begin this blog. My life has been completely changed in the past two months. God has done so many things and wrecked my life in so many ways that I would be sitting here for hours if I tried to type them all up. With that being said, I think I'll type up a few highlights from the trip and what the Lord has been teaching me since being back in America!

*The Lord started working in my life before I even left the US. In the weeks leading up to my trip, I honestly did not want to go to Africa anymore. I was so terrified of the 21+ hours flight to get there and the prospect of leaving my family for so long that I couldn't look past it to the ways the Lord was going to use me on this trip. At training camp two days before leaving I honestly wasn't sure I was even going to get on the plane. I remember calling my mom from the airplane right before take off and telling her that for so long I could back out and now I couldn't anymore. It was an overwhelming sense of helplessness. The day before we left, I started to get angry with God. I didn't understand why I had to have a fear of flying now when I had never really had one. I had always flown fine up until the year or so before my trip and with each flight my fear seemed to increase. I was crying out to God asking for some relief of this fear. When I asked God why I was afraid I felt the strongest since that He was telling me that He was trying to teach me to rely on Him. That for too long I had relied on myself and for once I was going to have to give up control and just trust God completely. I opened my Bible and in that way that only the Lord works, He guided me to Isaiah 41:10 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  

I was struck by an image of God holding up the plane with his "righteous right hand" and guiding me safely to Africa.  I can't honestly say that my fear of flying was gone but I definitely felt better. I felt like this trip was God's will and He wasn't going to let it fail because it was His plan for me. 

*My next big thing that I learned on this trip was how loved by God I am. When I landed in Johannesburg, South Africa, I was overwhelmed by the fact that I was in Africa. I was in Africa. This was a place I had imagined myself going since the time I was 13 and I was finally here. I started thinking back to the Fall of 2010 and how I was presented with the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica. My mom sent a check for me to be able to go and the day that the money was supposed to be deposited, my nursing professor sent me an email saying that if I missed class that week I wouldn't be allowed to make up the test. I was devastated. It took a million phone calls but eventually we were able to stop the check from being deposited and a few months later, my cousin and a group of others left for a trip that I should have been on. I wasn't happy about it at the time but sitting on a plane waiting to get off in South Africa I realized that God didn't let me go through with that trip because he had a different plane for me over the summer. I was amazed by the fact that God loved me enough to orchestrate a trip to a place where I had always wanted to go. He really does love us enough to give us the things that matter to us. I was so humbled by that. 

*People don't realize it, but, Africa actually does get cold. The week we left, it snowed about an hour away from where we were staying. We weren't exactly prepared for this cold climate so for a month I wore three pairs of leggings under my skirts and as many as 4 shirts at times to try to keep warm. What's humbling is there were kids walking around in way less clothes than we were and shoes with holes in them and they weren't complaining. 

*My month consisted of playing with kids. People ask what I did in Africa. I tell them I played with kids and froze for pretty much the whole month. Throughout the month there were certain kids who stole my heart and who I miss more today than I did when I left. One of these kids was Nunze (pictured left). Nunze, or Zimbabwe as my team liked to call him, was a four year old precious child who came to center we worked at. He didn't speak any English, but his smile and laughter could seriously brighten anyones day.  I even recorded his laugh so that I could listen to it here at home and remember his joy. One of the highlights of my trip happened on the last day. Everyday when we left the center, I told Nunze that I loved him and Jesus loved him. During our last week, Nunze started repeating the words back to me. I would say I and then he would say it, I would say love and then he would say it, etc. On the last day, I told Nunze I loved him and he said "I love you!" I had to fight back tears, I think about him and pray for him everyday. 


*Throughout my month in Africa, I was extremely homesick. It was harder than I expected being away from home and not being able to call my family. The center we were working at got robbed at gunpoint one morning literally five minutes before we got there and the township we were in had the highest crime rate in the world. I didn't like feeling like my safety was threatened. I had never been in a situation before where I was literally afraid but that's how I felt the whole month. I never slept at night because I would think about all the bad things that could happen. I would pray and pray and the only conclusion I came to was that this was another way the Lord was teaching me to rely on Him. It definitely forces you to when you have no where else to turn. 


Those are just a few recaps from my month in Africa. For the first two weeks I was so excited to be home. Now though, its been a month since I left and I want to go back. I never thought I would be sitting at my computer googling trips over my Spring Break to go back. I don't know what the Lord has planned for me but I do know that I left a huge piece of my heart in Africa and I can't imagine not going back one day hopefully soon. I have been forever changed and this blog only scratched the surface all the Lord taught me and is continuing to teach me. 

"I am the Lord's servant"

"I am the Lord's servant."

These words were spoken by Mary in Luke 1:38 thousands of years ago when an angel told her she was going to be the mother of Jesus. The pastor at my church spoke about this on Mother's Day and it really got me thinking about the faith that Mary had. Those five words are so simple yet if we really believe that we are the Lord’s servant than how would our lives be different? I decided to really meditate on these words as I am getting ready to leave for Africa very soon! Although it's going to be a great adventure, it's definitely not something I ever saw myself doing. Let's face it, I'm kind of girly. Sleeping in a tent for a month, taking cold showers, and eating rice everyday is something that I am not at all used too but I couldn't be more excited to do! I was thinking about this verse and about how sometimes we have to put ourselves into uncomfortable and tough situations to do what the Lord wants us to do. Africa is definitely going to be uncomfortable. I've only ever slept in a tent for one night at a time and that’s only been twice in my whole life. Not only am I going to be physically uncomfortable, I know my faith is going to be tested as well. It’s not easy sharing Christ with people and it will probably be uncomfortable at first. I know while I'm in Africa I will have to continuously remind myself that "I am the Lord's servant" and it's not about me. I'll have to tell myself that I'm not there to have a vacation or a fun adventure but that God has allowed me to go and be a part of his plans which are much bigger and worth being a little bit uncomfortable for.

Africa Update!

I'm exactly 59 days away from leaving for Africa! It is finally starting to seem real. I am getting to know my team, turning in paper work, and getting my shots next week!

I can't believe the incredible support and love that has been shown to me through this whole process so far. To be honest, sending out support letters wasn't the most fun thing in the world. I don't like being asked for money so asking others for money wasn't something that was on the top of my list to do. I am humbled, amazed, blessed, and honored that people believe in carrying the name of Jesus to the nations enough to support me as I go and try to do just that. I can't believe the incredible love that has been shown to me through donations and promises of prayers.

 Throughout this whole process one verse has been tugging at my heart. Ephesians 3:20 says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." I cling to the words of this verse everyday as I continue to prepare for my trip. I know that my God lives inside of me and it is only through his power that I am at the 75% support mark for my trip and only through his power that I believe I will completely meet my goal. I'm always overcome with emotions when I think about the fact that God's power lives inside of me. That in and of itself is worthy of its own blog (I'll save it for another time). I know that there is no way Africa would be possible without God opening doors and completely meeting all my needs. God is going to blow my mind while I'm in Africa. He has already done so numerous times as people open up their hearts with support that I could never have imagined.

On another note, my trip has turned into an all girls team. Although we are meeting a co-ed team over in Africa, I am so thankful for the friendships that have grown out of knowing these girls only a short amount of time even though we haven't even met in person. We communicate on a daily basis through Facebook and these girls have amazing hearts for God that are going to completely win over the hearts of the African people. It’s amazing how God has orchestrated this specific group of girls for this specific time in our lives to go to a specific place that He has planned out for us. Acts 17:26 says "From one man he made every nation of men, that they would inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live." We were created for this exact time that we live in. We are "God-created" to take God's name to the nations and He knew when He created us that He was creating us for that purpose in this time of the world.

My requests as I close in on exactly two months before I leave are that anyone reading this would pray. Pray for the beautiful girls who are going to Africa with me. Pray for the hearts of the people who are going to hear the Gospel. Pray for the team who we are meeting. Lastly, pray for the rest of my support. As the deadline closes in for all of the money to be turned in, pray for God to do "immeasurably more than we ask or imagine".

Be still...

At times I feel like this world is spinning at 90 miles an hour and we are just running to keep up. With work, nursing school, Africa deadlines, and various other commitments over the past few weeks I sometimes felt like I was forgetting to even breathe. Every time I would take a moment to pray or read my Bible I couldn't focus because I was thinking about all the stuff I needed to do when I finished. When I prayed about the anxiety and stress from the countless things going on in my life I felt like God was telling me to just "be still".


Be still? Yeah, right. I didn't have time to be still. I had stuff to get done and not enough hours in the day to do it. When all that was going on became to overwhelming towards the end of the week, I broke down and finally listened to God. I realized that his command to "be still" was for my benefit and I was just being too stubborn to actually listen. He wanted me to take a minute to realize who I was praying to.


God commands us to be still:
Psalm 46:10-"Be still, and know that I am God."

How many times have we read or heard this part of verse 10 but forget the true meaning of it. God is the Lord Almighty. That's not something to be overlooked. Do we really understand what it means to know that He is God? I am constantly in awe of how big and powerful God is, yet, when a lot is piled on my plate and I feel like I can't handle it I push God to the side and forget how supreme He truly is. God commands us to "be still" because He wants us to understand the magnitude of Him and to realize that we don't have anything to be anxious about. In Philippians 4:6, the command is simple. We don't have to worry about anything. All we have to do is give it to God. We have to understand and know that He is God, not little "g" god, but God over everything and sometimes it takes being still and quiet in His presence to try and grasp that.


I realized the importance of the command of just being still in a week where the world around me seemed to be running at a sprinters pace. It's a command that I don't need to overlook because in doing so I wasn't taking time to remind myself of how big God really is. If I had taken a moment earlier in this past week just to "be still", I would have realized sooner that there was nothing to stress about because my God was bigger than everything I had to do. It's incredible to know that we have the God over all of the heavens and earth on our side. No test, deadline, or anything else we have going on is bigger than the God we serve. 
Philippians 4: 19 says "And my God will meet ALL your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus". He will meet all my needs. There is nothing to worry about. I need to learn to step aside and let him be God.

Simple Truths That Blow Me Away

There are multiple reasons for starting this blog. The main reason is to keep family and friends updated as I get ready to embark on an adventure of a lifetime in Africa and to keep everyone updated on how life is when I get there. I decided though, that another reason for writing this blog is for me. I want it to be place where I can share thoughts and compare scriptures. Much in the same way writing down things and making a study guide for a test helps me study and remember nursing things, typing, comparing, and reflecting on scriptures will hopefully help me to remember the words that are instructions for how to live life. 


 I don't believe in coincidences. I think that God orchestrates every aspect of our lives and what people call "coincidences" is actually God alive and at work around us. I started studying the book of Galatians the day I started this blog. The reasons this may seem like a coincidence to some is that this blog is titled Free and Fully Alive and the theme in the book of Galatians is freedom found in Christ. Free and Fully Alive comes from being Free and Fully Alive in Christ. Coincidence that God laid this book on my heart at the same time I was starting this blog? I think not.


I'll start with this scripture. I read it the other night and I couldn't stop thinking about how much truth is in just these two verses. Two verses out of the thousands in the Bible. Imagine how much truth and knowledge we could gain if we read the whole thing.  

Galatians 2:20-21 says "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing."

When I first read Galatians 2:20-21 I was blown away. I had to read the verses over and over again. There is so much truth and power in believing these verses. For starters, Paul makes it perfectly clear that our old self died on the cross with Jesus (Anyone else have the old school MercyMe song So Long Self running through their head right now? Cheesy, I know).  Accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior makes us a new person. There is no need to be bound by guilt from our old sin because we died and became a completely new person with Jesus! I know that’s something we say a lot but to me that never gets old! We are living and walking with Jesus inside of us. How awesome is that! Another one of my favorite parts of the verses is where Paul talks about how nothing else can save us except Jesus. If anything else on this Earth could save us other Jesus, then his suffering on the cross would have been for nothing. There is no other option for us than Jesus. We cannot set aside the grace of God and try to make ourselves righteous by good deeds or works because that won’t work. Following rules won’t get us into heaven, we have to have faith, as Paul explains in verse 2:16 of Galatians, and accept the grace that God is willing to give us.


Although I've known these simple truths all of my life I still get overwhelmed sometimes when I think about the gift that God gave us. I love being reminded that Christ is alive in me and that nothing I can do can make me righteous in His eyes except to accept my Savior.

"To be Your hands and feet"

As I sit listening to "Solution" by Hillsong, I am floored with another way that God is pointing out that we should only do things that matter for Him and His renown and that He has called me to be His hands and feet. Jesus hasn't just called me, He has commanded me. He makes that command clear in Matthew 28:18-19 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit..."  I've been hit over and over again with the thought that I don't want to live my life for a lesser name than the name of Jesus Christ and that if I really believe what the gospel says I should be living out what I say I believe. In January of this year, God started really working in my life.  I had no idea what God had in store for me but what I did know was that I wanted more out of my walk with the Lord and I was looking for anything to propel me there. I started praying for God to break my heart for what broke his but I never thought I would end up preparing to journey across the ocean to help the African people, His people. 

When I applied for the mission trip I am about to embark on, I wasn't 100% sure that this was how God wanted me to spend my summer.  I prayed for doors to be opened or closed and God has ben going before me bursting through doors leading me on this trip. It couldn't be more clear that this is what the Lord has called me to do with my summer. As I practice my obedience to God I am tested everyday with obstacles that make me want to back out and decide to just have what I would consider a normal summer. Im not going to lie, it has been a challenge to completely trust God and believe that he will make a way for me for this trip. Im a doer. I like to have things in my control. But, it seems like the more I sit back and let Him take the lead the less worry and more joy I have. 

I am excited about what the next few months have in store for me as I finish up my junior year at Carolina and prepare to head to Africa. I know that God is going to blow my mind and I can't wait. Although Im worried about the money, the fact that Im not working this summer, the long plane ride, being away from my family, missing home....I know that I have never felt more freedom knowing that I am following what the Lord has laid it on my heart to do. At times when it would be so much easier to turn away, I have to remember that the God who created the universe, who knows every single person who has ever lived, lives now, or ever will live is orchestrating each and every step I take.